May 16, 2006

Dear Friends,

For those of you who are accustomed to daily updates, I apologize. I am struggling to get enough sleep now that Silas is starting to nurse. It is very difficult to have a nursing baby whom you don't live with. When I start to get stressed about the situation though, God always shows me how it could be more difficult. For instance, with one of our neighbors, his mom lives 25 minutes away. They have been here for 8 weeks now (going home next week!) and she commutes everyday, getting to the NICU between 9am and noon and leaving around 10pm or so. Another family has 6 boys ages 13 down to 2. Their first little girl was born at 26 weeks gestation and is here at Emanuel. They live an hour away with no family near them who can help out. This means that Dad has to work during the week and Mom also has to be home during the week to take care of the other children. They can only come up on the weekends. I can't even imagine the strain those parents are under and the heartache they must have. I am reminded that in all things I must be grateful. Yes, our family is going through a rougher time than most families do with the birth of a child, but there are others who have it much rougher. Yes, Silas' life hung in the balance and he now faces issues that most other babies will never have to face, but he is alive and has a great prognosis. This is more than others in the NICU can claim. Praise God in everything. I thank Him for the troubles we are having with Silas' eating. It offers one more opportunity for God to show His great and powerful miracles. Whether Silas has these issues for the rest of his life or not, God will use them to bring glory to Himself.

I am feeling lonely for the Cookes tonight. Their blonde beauty, Nanette, was wheeled out of the NICU in a car seat today for her journey home. Just knowing that they are not down the hall makes me tearful. I am at the same time overjoyed that their family can finally regain some normality. Before they left, Joe gave Albert a book he authored. (Perfect timing since Albert had just finished his last book that morning.) Albert is half way through and has proclaimed Joe a good author. I can't wait to be at home and nursing my little bear because that is when I get lot's of reading done. And by then it will be my turn for Joe's book. By the way, it is a kind of sci-fi fiction book. Just up Albert's and my alley!

So many more babies have gone home recently that it feels like the NICU is empty. With two admits being flown in tonight and two more anticipated from labor and delivery, it is not likely to stay deserted for too long.

Cayden, the baby from White City, is doing well. As soon as he learns to eat, he'll be able to go home. There are the same issue,s at this point, for Silas as for Cayden.

Becky's Joshua is off the ventilator now, so they are weaning him off the morphine again. He is such a trooper. I am praying every day that God would make Joshua's recovery full and complete in such a way that people would never guess that he had had any kind of trouble as an infant. I am also praying for strength and endurance for Becky. She is an amazing girl and I just want to help her in some way. I feel torn about leaving, now that Dr. Baxter told us we would probably be going home sometime next week. I don't want to leave Becky (and all the other friends we've made) to keep facing the trials their little munchkins are going through.

Silas' recovery is coming along famously. He has started taking the bottle and seems to be able to swallow about half his feeding before he says, "No more." He has a high blood pressure issue that is responding well to the medication and the nephrologist is pretty sure it will be resolved by the time he is six months old. WE will need to find a place around home that can check his blood pressure once a week. Silas is now searching my face with his eyes and staring at mine. It makes my heart leap almost out of my chest with pleasure. He has a slight heart murmur they've examined through an echocardiogram. It was probably caused by some scar tissue from the ECMO canulas. They were a little concerned it could be a build up of yeast colonies, but so far the blood cultures have been negative and he shows no sign of illness.

I talked with Dr. Baxter about how Silas sleeps through the night (and his night time feedings) which has been a concern for me. After a long stare at Silas, she said, "Well, we could try to wean him from this behavior if you really wanted us to. It is up to you." Yeah. Funny woman. I finally get given a child who wants to sleep through the night, and I might want them to "wean him" from this behavior?!?! So, while I have to try to wake him up to feed him and get his required amount of calories in his tummy, she makes jokes. (By the way, I adore this doctor. Come to think of it, there isn't one doctor who has worked with Silas who hasn't been wonderful.)

The results of Silas' MRI were in today. The overall brain looks exactly as it should at this stage of recovery. The MRI showed a small millimeter sized lesion on his cerebral cortex, probably caused by a slight hemorrhage. The area between the hemispheres is an equal and appropriate space. What dose all this mean? There is no sign of prolonged oxygen deprivation or brain damage. Wow. Not only is the Lord giving Silas back to us from the grave, but he has also seen fit to make him. . . What's the word I'm looking for? Whole? Complete? No, I know other kids who have issues such as Silas potentially faced. They are both whole AND complete. I guess the description is that God just made him like our other children. . . Nothing more, nothing less than the perfect person to do the work the Lord has laid before his feet. Praise His holy name!

Love to all, Tanaya