10-06-07 Running on empty

WARNING! Complaint session about to commence. If you decide to continue, grab a slice of cheese and be prepared for the whine:

I am so exhausted. I don't get more than a few hours of sleep at night since I don't get to bed before 1-2am (and sometimes later). I spend every waking moment doing something for someone and stressing because I am not getting it all done. I must plan and have ingredients available for three meals a day (and snacks) for 11-12 people. I do marathon grocery shopping trips and walk out with four carts full to the brim. I coordinate medical issues, doctor's visits, phone calls from families, nurses visiting, families and friends visiting, purchasing personal items as well as driving to the doctor's appointments with all the proper paperwork for five elderly residents in my home. I pay bills, employees and taxes. I screw up and spend hundreds of hours on the phone and through the mail trying to rectify the situations. In my spare time I shuttle children to and from school and activities, try to get them to do their homework, make their lunches, take their baths, brush their teeth, clean their rooms, stop fighting, and "for crying-out-loud would you please stop yelling and running in the house!" Oh yeah, while I am doing all this, I chase Silas from room to room to room taking things away, turning him in a different direction, disciplining him, telling him "Good job!" when he does something new and basically watching that he doesn't do permanent damage to himself, the dog, the house or other people in the home.

The list is endless, but my vision keeps blurring and I'm too tired to keep going.

I tried recently to describe my life to someone and this is what I said, "Imagine you have a job. Now imagine that the job involves interacting with needy, sometimes downright demanding, people. Now imagine that you don't get any of your scheduled breaks and you barely have time to pee. Now imagine that you have your four children come with you to where you work and you need to tend to them and their needs as well. Now imagine that your replacement doesn't show up or says they are too tired to stay after a couple hours. Now imagine that you never, *ever* get to leave. That would be a taste of my life and, right now, it sucks.