October 6, 2006
Hello Friends,
I am writing to ask for prayer as Silas and I head back to Portland one last time for a minor surgery. It is an out patient procedure and involves only a gas mask, NOT intubation, if everything goes according to plan. The surgery date is Oct. 12th and we will be visiting some of our NICU neighbor friends who are in their own homes now. It *should* be no big deal.
I also wanted to let everyone know that Silas is being dedicated on Sunday, October 15, 2006, at Trail Christian Fellowship. [E-mail me for directions at tanayakyne@hotmail.com]. His baby dedication will take place before second service at 9:00 am. Come early to get a seat and to not miss the dedication (unlike me, Pastor Rick is rarely, if ever, late). Jerusha, age five, will also be dedicated that day. During her baby years, someone in our family was always sick on the days we planned to dedicate her. We know that the Lord has big plans for both these kids (as well as our older two) and we want to share with everyone our desire to have only His best for the four children, whoHe has given us on loan. They are His children to do with as He chooses. We will gratefully and publicly acknowledge this at the dedication.
Oct. 6th was my brother’s birthday. Happy 28th birthday Caleb! Today, Savannah is 9. Happy birthday Savannah! Two more days until Silas is 6 months old. Could it really be half a year from that fateful day? Has that much time passed already?
As we were packing yesterday, I came across a bag of items from when we were in the NICU. In it was a stuffed alligator Albert had bought for Silas from the gift shop when Silas was still on ECMO and we thought we might lose him. At the time a thought flashed through my mind: will I be taking this alligator home instead of my son? I instantly dismissed the thought and replaced it with hope as I had done a million times before with a million similar thoughts. Yesterday, however, the full weight of that thought hit me unexpectedly and I cried with the horror of it. I do not know how anyone copes with the terror of a deathly sick child, myself included. Our time at Legacy NICU seems, at times, surreal, like looking through a fog or remembering a dream. And yet there are moments when the memories of the pain are so vivid that it takes my breath away. I watch Silas sleep and am overcome with a deep sense of gratefulness intertwined with sorrow for the friends who no longer have their little ones to hold. They are never far from my mind. I think about them and their children throughout my day. I look at the pictures of those amazing families whenever I sit at the computer and send yet another prayer to God for mercy, comfort, peace, sleep and healing. He is a mighty Lord who knows what it is to watch His child die. God’s arms, safe and gentle, are enormous enough to enfold anyone and comfort those with the most severe of wounds. He is an awesome God.
I’m not sure what Silas remembers about his time in the NICU but whwn I showed him the stuffed alligator he instantly grabbed hold of the chenille body and gnawed on its nose. When I gave him his pacifier, he promptly clasped the toy tightly, buried his face in it and fell asleep. He woke from his nap still snuggling with his NICU gift. It seems that he associates the toy with good feelings. He has never done that with any other toy. Perhaps he felt our love and intense desire for him to stay with us at the time and he associates it with this toy. Whatever the reason, his behavior brought me great comfort.
A heartfelt thank-you to all who still keep us in prayer and are concerned about the goings on in our lives.
With love, ~Tanaya~
P.S. We are not going to Portland due to the nasty cold bug Silas and I still have. He cannot have surgery when he is sick. Please pray that we can reschedule with wonderful Dr. Lashley in a timely manner and rearrange our own schedules to accommodate as well.
From Jeannie: Dear Friends,
The Bruce Family is again struggling through a difficult time. Chuck and I are packing our belongings, giving things away, and wondering what the future holds for us. The new ranch owners decided not to let us stay here until the New Year like they said they would, so we must hurry through this difficult time. We have gone from being paralyzed with grief to looking forward to a new adventure. We are so thankful we got to live here and raise our children in such an idyllic place. We are grateful about a lot of things, but mostly that all four kids are grown and have their own families. I try not to think of moving away from them and my grandchildren. I know that many of you reading this don’t get to spend much time with your grandkids, and I should be grateful we’ve been so close for this long. It has been wonderful being here to help them and love on them and share in the lives of the grandbabies. We are thinking we might like to relocate in Coquille and, God willing, we’ll go over next week to look around. We are praying for a place over there that will outshine this one in our affections.
We aren’t alone in our struggles. All of our friends on Cascade Ranch, and Tanaya’s family, must rearrange their lives quickly too The Treadway’s have borrowed a motor home to stay in until they find a place. Steve and Maura Lolandi still don’t have any place to live but are packing and trusting the Lord. Frayne and Jo-Anne Hutton—Jo-Anne helps school Tanaya’s children—have found a place to park their trailer for a couple months and are hoping to move to Ruch with Tanaya and Albert when the purchase of the foster care home is final. John, the store/café operator is undecided about his future. He is very grateful that Chuck not only worked a deal with the current ranch owner to get him his investment back, he also received another month to operate during peak hunting season before he has to be out the first week of November.
Tanaya and Albert are trying to pack up both houses, the one they rent from us and the one they rent from the ranch, so that they can move into the one they want to buy. (They could sure use help doing this. Tanaya has Silas, the other three kids, and a resident—a foster care client—to look after, with all the meals and maintenance involved. Albert is working his 12 hour shifts at the hospital, trying to get any extra shifts to help with the myriad bills that pour into their mailbox.)
Well, after watching Silas hovering between life and death for so many weeks, of what major consequence is loosing the ranch. Whenever I start to feel to sorry for myself I think of when I prayed to God over Silas on all his life support machines to let me trade places with him. If I were given the choice there wouldn’t be any. I would trade Silas for a dozen Cascade Ranches.
Speaking of Silas he continues to develop motor skills and shows progress mentally. He still, however, is much too small. To me he seems to be loosing ground in this area. At birth he was over the one hundred percentile in the growth charts and at each doctor’s visit he drops steadily. He is now below the tenth percentile. Please pray that he starts gaining back ground in the growth/weight area. Otherwise we couldn’t be more thrilled. He is even growing back some hair. It isn’t as black as it was and his eyes have gone from black to a rich dark brown. He has an adorable grin and he loves to pull on his Papa’s beard. The panic attacks are less frequent. He and his mommy developed a cold a couple weeks ago that isn’t going away. Tanaya has had him to the doctor and, even though he is coughing, the cold hasn’t gotten into his lungs yet, which would be dangerous for him. It is a concern that the colds seem to be lingering.
On a personal level I finally had to go to a doctor to get something to help me sleep. My blood work shows I’m anemic among other things. I have very low protein, iron, vitamin D and estrogen. My cholesterol is high. I have some work to do to get back on track physically. The doctor says that stress has taken a toll on my old—fifty last month—body, and I need to start sleeping properly again.
The rest of the family is thriving. Caleb continues to recover from his motorcycle accident and has lots of work. His little Luke, almost four months old, is twenty pounds now, just seven pounds less than two year old Jasmine, his big sister. Shahala and Peter’s Zion is beautiful and loves to talk. She’s not as big as Luke yet, but she has developed a double chin. ;->
Thank you so much for continuing to keep us in your prayers. Chuck especially needs them as he tries to please the new owners while finishing off the cattle operation for the old one, and trying to figure out what we are going to do next. One of these days I’ll hopefully write that the Bruce family is peaceful again. In the meantime we do what we have to do. God bless you all.
Love,
Jeannie
