May 19, 2007 Tears, tears and more tears

There are days when I think that I have run out of tears; that perhaps I have shed my allotment and there will be no more to shed. And then there are days like today.

Three more beautiful children have recently joined so many others before them and now sit at the feet of the Lord with angels as playmates. I am overwhelmed with the enormity of it all. How can the world continue on when so many have had their entire existence shaken to its core? I want to scream "STOP!! Don't you know what just happened?!" I am so very sad. Even when I am happy I always remember the ones who are no longer with us or who are embroiled in trauma while they fight for their lives. It just seems like it is too much to bear. I want to reach out to each of these families and hug them so tight that it would make all the sadness disappear and they would be able to hold their children as if death had never visited.

I guess I'm just feeling especially sad tonight. I've gone back through the pictures from so many families of their babies from in the womb to birth to machines and wires to death and it reminds me of how empty their arms are. Lord, help me to have the strength to love without bitterness. Give me faith with doubt. Help me to cherish without obsessing. And most of all, give me grace when I fail. Than-You for Your unending promises and for Your Son, Jesus, without whom I am nothing but dust.

~Tanaya~