08-28-07 Three's

So why does it seem that everything major always happens in threes? Sometimes it is wonderful, like when I found out I was pregnant with Silas. Then Lisa, my brother Caleb’s wife, found out she was pregnant with Luke, and then my sister, Shahala, found out she was pregnant with her first, Zion. But then there are times like yesterday… Shahala, who is pregnant with baby number two, has been hemorrhaging for a couple days and we are unsure of the status of Baby. Then I had to rush Silas to the ER because he decided to taste test some dishwasher detergent when someone left the cabinet unlocked. (Oh, what I wouldn’t have given for a little oral aversion at that moment, let me tell you!) On my way in, I called Mom who informed me that she had just spoken to Caleb, and Lisa was rushing their son, Luke, into the ER for stitches because he had split open his head. (The little turkey came toddling out of the bedroom with a grin spread across his adorable face and blood pouring from the laceration crossing his eyebrow after he was jumping on the bed. It turned out that all they needed to do was put some crazy glue on it to hold it together, thank goodness.) Again I pose the question, why threes? I am not a superstitious person, but it does seem uncanny.

Silas is fine, by the way. One nurse told me that little kids are like goats; they can eat just about anything and be okay. We also bumped into Paul, the ER doc who performed CPR on our little bear when he was born. For some reason I am always shocked that he isn’t 6’10” with a 3’ wide chest. I think that because he helped save Silas’ life and I am so in awe of that, that I just have a grandiose picture of him in my mind.

We also stopped in at the birth center where Silas’ before and after pictures are still up on the board. We didn’t get to see Kathy this time, but we did chat with some of the other wonderful ladies working there. We also said hello to Susan, the lactation consultant, who is an absolute dynamo. If anyone EVER needs help with a breastfeeding issue, I would send them to her faster than they could blink. If she doesn’t know an answer to something, she will find out! That is it for now. I must finish getting ready to go do the “back-to-school” shopping for which I have no money and am in no mood…Yay me. Oh well, the kids always have fun.

08-27-07 Praise God...even when it hurts.

This song by Casting crowns is so powerful…

Praise You in This Storm
words by Mark Hall/music by Mark Hall and Bernie Herms

I was sure by now, God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

Chorus

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

Chorus

Thank-you for this song, guys. My husband claimed it as a life-song for our son, Silas, when his life hovered between heaven and earth. God granted us time with our son here on earth, but so many friends of ours will have to wait until they themselves are taken home before they can see their little ones again. It is truly important to learn this lesson of praising Him not just when He does things that make our lives easier or more pleasurable, but also when we don't understand or we are in pain. It is has also been one of the most difficult lessons for me to learn and sometimes my flesh wins and I despair. But everyday I am better able to turn my face back to the Creator and praise Him simply for being God.

08-25-07 Joseph MacGarvey Olson

This is for Carole, Joseph's mommy, who lost her beautiful boy one year ago today. She is an amazing woman whom I've come to respect and admire tremendously. She can make me cry so hard with her heart wrenching honesty and laugh so my sides hurt with her irreverent humor.

~ ~ Beloved Son ~ ~

I loved you from before you were;
I loved you from the start.
I love you still with every beat
Of my pounding, breaking heart.

I hoped and dreamed and wished for you.
I prayed and screamed and cried for you.
If it had been a choice of mine,
I surely would have died for you.

I talked to you and sang to you
And hoped you felt my love.
I wanted you to stay with me
And not ascend above.

Alas, it came too soon for me
The night before your birth.
I laid in quiet solitude
As moon went round the earth.

Then in the silence of the night
Surrounded by my family,
I treasured your squirming one last time
As you kicked and played inside of me.

The dawn arrived with too much haste.
The time was almost here.
Soon I’d see your little face
And hold you close, my dear.

It was happening all too fast
I yearned to slow the pace.
Your sweet father held my hand
As I looked upon his handsome face.

With trembling hands and beating heart,
I touched your tiny toes,
The velvet hair on top your head,
And kissed your button nose.

I studied every part of you;
Your ageless image in my mind.
I wanted all the world to stop
And every clock to bind.

I didn’t want these moments to end
How could I say good-bye?
We’d only just been introduced
I wanted to know WHY?!

Beloved son, my angel dear.
Your time with us was short.
So bittersweet the memories
That pain and joy are hard to sort.

If only there had been more time.
If only you’d stayed on earth.
Why did you don your angel wings
So soon beyond your birth?

Instead of me, you hug the Lord
And giggle from angel’s kisses.
Jesus’ arms are where you rest
Until at last He wishes,

That I can leave and reunite
With the son I hold so dear.
My darling, precious, little love;
And my ears, your voice will hear.

Before too long I’ll see you again
And hold you to my chest.
Then at last my grief will fade.
My soul will have the perfect rest.

Until that day I won’t be whole
But He will help me through.
The One who lost His only Son
Promises forever to be true.

So play my love, beloved son,
And fill your heart with joy.
‘Cause someday soon Mommy’s coming
To see her baby boy.

08-15-07 You think you know someone...

Today I found out that someone I know well thinks that I am an abusive mother and an abusive caregiver to my residents... I have sat here staring at that sentence for quite some time now and can find no words to describe how it makes me feel.

08-08-07 Coming of age...

Happy belated birthday, me! August 6 was the day I was born in Alberta, Canada. Now I live with my precious family in our newly purchased home in Oregon. This week I have escaped the “fun house” and am relaxing at a truly fun house (my parent’s place) at the coast. I am now officially 32 years old and feeling every minute of it (and then some). But I am taking it easy and having a delightful, responsibility-free week out here. The Oregon coast is beautiful, warm and the perfect place to vacation. It doesn’t hurt either that I don’t have to stress about what to make for supper or that the only bum I wipe is Silas’ and my own. Ahhh. Life is good.

A couple Jerusha conversations which transpired on the four hour trip:

Jerusha, at the gas station: Mommy, why don’t we get unlettuce anymore?
Mommy: Pardon me?
Jerusha: I said, why don’t we get unlettuce anymore?
Mommy: Jerusha, you need to explain to me what you mean when you say “unlettuce”.
Jerusha, exasperated: You know. Like when you used to say “regular unlettuce” and now you just say “regular”.
Mommy: Oh! Did you mean regular un-LEADED?

Jerusha, at the same gas station: Micah can you help me get my unbuckle done?
Micah: Your unbuckle? Do you mean "undo your buckle"?
Jerusha: That’s what I said; can you help me get my unbuckle done.

Mommy (moments later): Well Jerusha, we’ve filled the tank with unlettuce and we’ve gotten the unbuckle done; shall we go to the restroom and un-pee while we are at it?
Jerusha with a heavy sigh: Moommmmyyyyyy!

Micah did a great job with the entertainment aspect of the trip. His mission, should he choose to accept it, was to keep Silas from screaming in Mom’s ear and thus avoiding a car crash (accident or otherwise). He accepted this mission impossible and was for the most part successful. Silas absolutely hates being strapped into his car seat.

Savannah was not with us because she was at camp this past week, so she and our dear friend Aunty Mary, met us at Mom’s for a brief hello before my sister took Mary back to Medford. Shahala, my sister, had been at my parents for just about a week and we were able to get a picture of ALL eight grandkiddies together. I took 24 pictures and will still have to photoshop to get one where they all look great… Or at least are looking at the camera. I will post the picture as soon as I am home.

Silas is *finally* in size 18 months. Yeah! His PJs were squishing his toes and the onesie shirts were getting hard to snap up. Albert says he looks chunkier as well. All I can notice is that he is eating and pooping more. It seems like a never ending cycle four or five times a day I fill him upand ten to fifteen times a day he empties out. It is pure heaven knowing that he is growing and eating like any other normal little man. The other thing he is doing that is completely normal for my children? He has hit the terrible twos with a vengeance. You know, the whole scream, flop on the floor, kick, hit, bite tantrums that come with the territory. And then he is so darn cute that with a little salt and pepper I could just eat him up. He definitely prefers the word “no”, with the n drawn out, more than any other word and “da-doe” is his word for anything he doesn’t know the name of yet. He cuddles and gives perfect kisses (ie. with his mouth closed ;- > ) and he even winks with his face all scrunched up. It is such a privilege to be able to stare at him watching his chest rise and fall while he sleeps and remember that this was the baby that couldn’t breathe when he was born. This past year and a half has been a powerful journey for me. I gave birth to my fourth child (a wonderful surprise God bestowed). I watched that very same gift slip away to the next life and then be restored to my arms. I mourned with both new and old friends whose babies stayed in heaven to play with the angels. I rejoiced with friends whose children are now walking and talking after suffering so many traumas at and following birth. The grief is still raw but the joy is more poignant because of it. I have felt sadness and despair so deeply that I thought I’d turn inside out and I have been so ecstatic over things as simple as a poopie diaper. It has been a roller coaster ride that continues as I type. I look forward to the coming years in my life; they simply must be easier. I feel I have aged a decade this last year and a need a few years of *gentle* aging to catch up.

08-03-07 Dirty Little Man!

What is up with little children’s fascination with toilets? I had nearly forgotten how vigilant one must remain with these tiny people. I mean, I can see the allure; the shiny (and hopefully freshly cleaned), white bowl; the melodic tinkle of miscellaneous items as they plop into the inviting pool of water; and the extreme reaction you get from Mom when she hears the tell-tale splash… The latest victim in Silas’ dunking spree was his Noah’s Ark music maker that he treats like a boom box. It is now drying out and awaits the final verdict of survival or dumpster… Never mind. The verdict is in. It just started an annoying buzz, buzz, buzz sound.